Jump to the start of the entries
The Tom and Colleen Whitley family have produced some children who have
(along with their parents) produced a plethora of witty, strange, and dumb
expressions. This document is an attempt at cataloging some of these, but I
anticipate that it will always be hopelessly incomplete, due to the sheer
number of dumb things we've all said. Nevertheless, it would be a tragedy of
Shakespearian proportions if this lexicon were to pass away unrecorded, so
I'll do my best to preserve it here.
Disclaimer: Some of the Whitleys may wonder why I haven't included
an entry for a one-liner someone had that was really cute. Here's the
criteria: This is a jargon file so in order to be included, it must be
something that was said numerous times and became a staple of our lexicon.
One-shot quips, no matter how cute or witty, do not belong here. I might be
convinced to make a seperate page for them.
A brief list of the key players follows:
- Tom Whitley - Father (often referred to as "Dad")
- Colleen Whitley - Mother (often referred to as "Mom")
- Mark Whitley - Eldest child, son
- Ed Whitley - Second child, son
- Jared Whitley - Third child, son
- Kristina (Krissy) Whitley - Fourth child, daughter
Some categories and nicknames:
- "The sons" or "the boys" or "the brothers" referrs to Mark, Ed, and
- "The kids" referrs to Mark, Ed, Jared, and Kristina.
- "Jared / Emmy Sue" refers to Jareds alter-ego when he was a child.
See Emmy Sue
- "I" or "me" refers to Mark Whitley, who authored / maintains this
Additionally, there were a number of second-string players, including
grandparents, grandchildren, and neighborhood kids whose dumb saying have been
immortalized and repeated within the hallowed halls of the Whitley household.
- Lloyd B. Keys - Grandfather (Colleen's Father)
- Lorraine Keys - Grandmother (Colleen's Mother)
- Lisa Whitley - First grandchild, daughter
- Jessica Whitley - Second grandchild, daughter
- Jeff Johns - Neighbor, Ed's age
- Noell Whittaker - Neighbor, Ed's age.
- Bryce Whittaker - Neighbor, Jared's age.
- Joey Remmington - Neighbor, Jared's age.
- Ryan Workman - Friend of Jared's (his age) and later Mark's
- Andrew King - Friend of Jared's (his age) and later Mark's
- Blake Barlowe - Friend of Jared's (his age) and later Mark's
- Kayvan Ghavim - Friend of Jared's (his age) and later Mark's
- Mark Franklin - Neighbor, Mark's age
- Jon Bernal - Neighbor, between Jared and Krissy's age
- The Freiman Family, the whole lot of 'em
Some further categories and nicknames:
- "The Thilosians" (see Thilosians) or "the gamers" or "the gaming circle"
referrs to Mark, Jared, Ryan, Andrew, Blake, and possibly Kayvan.
- All the kids (and possibly the parents) in a family are referred to
by the family surname.
Major sources of influence:
- Bloom County cartoons
- Other cartoon strips
- Fraggle Rock
- The Pirates of Penzance
- Role playing games
- Comic books
- The Simpsons
- Norweigan - Dad served an LDS mission in Norway and brought a lot of
the motherland back home with him. Additionally, the Larsen family lived
up on Mars Way whose parents were actually born in Norway. When we were
growing up, we thought Norway must be just a stone's throw away. Later on
in 1990 we actually visited Norway and all had a good time. (c.f. the
Beatles song "Norweigan wood")
- Numerous other movies and television shows
- (This list is perpetually incomplete; there is surely more to
come, but I doubt we could name every pertinent influence that deserves an
Author / Maintainer: Mark Whitley, who has had a lung-collapsing amount of
fun writing this up. If any of the major or second-string players has a
correction, send it to me.
Key: [Attribution (Co-opted by), part of speech]
- "A woman? A woman in our club? A woman?!!"
- [Breathed, quote] A line from the second to last panel in a Bloom
County cartoon strip, spoken by Portnoy. If Jared and Mark are in the room
together and one of them says this line, the other will supply the
follow-up from the last panel "Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap!" which is the sound of
the rabit (oh my gosh, I forgot his name!) hitting Portnoy over his head.
- "Allright [clap] Fast! [point]"
- [Colleen, expression] Mom would say this as a way of inspiring rapid
movement. Whether she actually said this or not is questionable. It was
probably invented by the sons after a manner of mockery.
- [Kristina, proper noun] Didn't everyone spell their family's names
backwards when they were kids? Well we sure did. This was our favorite (or
tied for favorite, right up there with Neelloc) and we
would frequently refer to Kristina by this name, over her loud protests.
- "And it makes me sad"
- [Ed/Mark, noun phrase] Said in a squeaky high voice with a cheezy
smile and lots of head tilting. Always used facetiously. Usually followed
by Ed (or Mark) saying "There he sits, happy as all get-out."
- "And oh, the gas"
- [expression] Presumably this was originally
used to refer to flatulence, but it became such an effective way to change
topic / kill the conversation, that we took to using it indiscriminantly.
Update: An alert peruser of this file pointed out to me that this
expression was used by Julia Sweeney who played an old woman character in
a decades-old SNL sketch. Thanks, Sean.
- [Flite Frieman, adjective] Probably Flite's favorite adjective when
he was growing up. His preference for this word and its similarity to a
swear word was probably not a coincidence. Mark made up a song called
"Asinine child of mine" which we would sing to Flite, while imitating his
mother's (Mary Joe's) voice.
- Beat Stick
- [Mark, noun phrase] Any stick.
- Big Swing
- [Kristina, noun] Once upon a time, Kristina took a ride on the "Big
Swing" and apparently, it packs quite a wallop, because she got hit by it
and we heard about it for years afterward. If ever we roughhoused with her
in such a was as to aggravate this tender bruise, we would hear "That's
where I got hit by the Big Swing!"
- [Colleen, Word Of Power] Here's a typical scene from a typical meal
at the Whitley household: One of the kids asks "Where's the ketchup?" Mom,
in reply, circles one finger around in the air, then points to the
ketchup, which is sitting right next to the kid (the one who was asking
where it is) and exclaims "Bizwappo!" You and Elizabeth Montgommery, Mom.
- Brat Savage
- [Jared, nickname] Yet another affectionate nickname for our sister,
- [Bryce Whittaker / Jared / Mark, profanity] Here's the way I usually
tell this story to people: When we were children, Mom would encourage us
not to swear by using the old Bill Cosby bit about not taking the Lord's
name in vain, onaccount'a the Lord's a busy man and doesn't need to hear
about it every time you hit your finger with a hammer. Well, taking that
to heart, Jared and Mark decided to find someone who could be
bothered on such occasions and we found Bryce, a kid with Time On His
Hands. In no time at all, we were taking Bryce's name in vain like pros.
We've invented various other phrases that use Bryce's name as the central
profanity: "Dang it, Bryce!" and "Thank Bryce!" remain the most popular,
although the odd "Bryce of our Fathers!" isn't unheard of. For his part,
Bryce doesn't mind the extra attention and is actually somewhat flattered.
Update: According to Ed, Cody Colvin was the first one to say "Dang
it, Bryce!" while playing basketball at the Whittakers, but he wasn't
using Bryce's name in vain.
- [Krissy, noun (pl.)] A corruption of "brothers".
- Caprentagathus ("Ca-pren-ta-ga-thus")
- [Mark, chant, dumb] Mark would chant this repeatedly while galloping
through the house as though he was riding a horse.
- "Cease and desist!"
- [Colleen, exclamation] Mom's way of telling us to knock it off. Boy,
if I had a nickel...
- "Couple of quick items"
- [Colleen, warning] Mom would say this when a majority of kids were in
the room as a way of warning us that she wanted to have a family meeting.
- Cyborg Monkey
- [Jeff Johns, proper noun] Remember those little brown monkey
mini-figures that came with the old Pirate
LegoTM sets? Well, one day, Jeff decided to
switch the arms and legs with some arms from the Space figures. The result
was, you guessed it, Cyborg Monkey. Occasionally he would set the phrase
to a jaunty tune (somewhat similar to "Go Speed Racer"), singing it over
and over... and over, again.
- Dad Mockery
- [Ed, noun phrase] An term given to describe the act of imitating
Tom's sayings, diction, gestures, or idiosynchracies. Widely regarded as
being "well and good" and "a good time had by all" or even "friendly jibes
and ribbing" and standing in stark contrast to the serious offense of Mom Mockery.
- Darnedst Thing, The "(And) the
darnedest thing is..."
- [Tom (co-opted by the sons), noun phrase] Dad would say this as a
precursor to a key point in his argument. See also "The heck of it is..." Both "Darnedst Thing" and
"Heck of It" have been wholly co-opted by the sons, if not all the kids.
- "Death to you all"
- [Mark, expression] As a child, Krissy owned a little rubber duck.
Mark discovered that he could make the head bob by squeezing the sides.
After doing this a few times, he began counting "with a one, two, three,
four". Shortly thereafter he added "Death to you all" while turning the
duck toward Krissy.
I would like to go on the record as saying that we love our sister
dearly and that claims of unkindness toward her (death threats, etc.) have
been greatly exaggerated.
- "Ding Dong! Lou Lou!"
- [Lisa, expression] This was one of the first things that Lisa said to
Jared the first time they saw each other after Jared's return home from
his mission to Germany. Jared trained her dilligently thereafter to say
this in response to "What does Lisa say?"
- [Colleen, song / warning] Mom would sing this to the tune of the
traditional circus theme. Singing this little diddy was Mom's way of
warning us that it was time to clean up or do some other chore.
- Double-Check ("Did you double-check?")
- [Tom (co-opted now and then by the sons), Advice] A frequent
exhortation that we heard our dad say. On occasion, we would mock our
father by asking if we had double-checked trivial things (such as turning
the tap all the way off) only to discover that trivial things can have
large consequences. The mockery would continue with follow-ups like:
"Think of the lives that could be saved!"
- "Eggs and pork and beans -- Sardines!"
- [Jon Bernal, saying, dumb] Opinion is divided as to whether Jon
Bernal actually said this or if Mark just made it up. We always pictured
him standing on a stage before a huge audiene and speaking everything up
to "beans" into a microphone, with the audience responding loudly
- Emmy Sue
- [Jared, nickname] Jared's nickname for himself. He had a funny voice
he'd use when speaking as Emmy Sue. Jared also made *-Sue nicknames for
everyone else (an extreme example being "Ishimatsu-Sue"). I could really
write up a whole page on Emmy Sue-isms.
- [Mark, proper noun] Our pet name for Ferin Frieman. Roll the name
around in your mouth a few times and you'll see how I arrived at that pet
- [Colleen (co-opted by the kids here and there), exclamation] An
almost-swear-word occasionally used by Mom.
- Flite, The Shi'ite
- [Mark, title] A playful nickname for Flite Freimann. Flite has no
affiliation with Iran or the Muslim faith. For that matter, he doesn't
affiliate with the Freimann family all that much either these days...
- "Get a secret-sacred-wars move-on!"
- [Dave Sim (co-opted by Mark and occasionally Jared), quote] A quote
from the Cerebus comics made by the Roach durring the Church and State
series. Used to indicate a desire to get a move-on.
- "Good sir!"
- [Colleen, exclamation] When Mom was driving and she'd encounter a
rude, aggressive, or otherwise capricious driver, this is how she would
announce that she'd spotted him.
- "Grow a beard, (Kirby)"
- [Jared / Emmy Sue, exhortation] Jared frequently requested of Mark
that he grow a beard when he was in high school. This was a pipe dream, as
Mark only shaved a total of about six times through all of high school.
Mark vividly remembers feeling a "hovering" presence while catnapping, and
peeping his eyes open to see Jared looming above him and hearing him say
"Grow a beard!". See also "I was
there when Thor died".
- "Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"
- [Colleen, greeting] When a welcom (and blithe) individual would show
up on the doorstep, Colleen would throw the door open and with one arm
lifted skywrd, proclaim this greeting. We fully anticipate that when we're
all dead and wandering the Earth as ghosts, Colleen will greet us exactly
the same way.
- Handy Shadowrun Campaign
- [Jared? (co-opted / used by all the gamers), noun phrase] Referred to
either an old "Churchill Chargers" folder or a "Star Trek" folder that was
used to hold character sheets, adventure scenarios, or important scraps of
paper. We called it this regardless of the gaming system we were actually
using. There is a little song we would sing as well to the same tune as
"Longshot Limited Edition
- Happy Van, The
- [Mark's friends, noun phrase] Over the years, the Whitley family
owned numerous different vans, and they were all "The Happy Van".
Especially when Mark got his driver's license.
- Heck of It, The "The Heck of it
- [Tom (co-opted by the sons), noun phrase] Dad would occasionally say
this as a precursor to a key point in his argument. See also "The Darnedest Thing"
- "Hello? Telophone?"
- [Mark, expression, dumb] Used when answering the telephone or
imitating Mom answering the telephone.
One time Mark sat in a seat in English class that Ed also sat in next
period. I would occasionally send him "messages" by drawing pictures on
the desk. On on occasion, I drew an enormous telephone receiver and the
words "Hello? Telophone?" in huge, block letters. Ed confessed afterward
that he had difficulty supressing his
throughout the class.
- "Heil hit, hit heil"
- [Mark, exclamation, dumb] Occasionally used as a precursor to
hitting. Note that the "heil" is pronouced the the German fashion.
- "Hey--What? Whoah!"
- [Disney, quote] A line uttered by "The Wort" (Arthur) in Disney's
Sword in the Stone. We frequently would use this when falling down,
dropping something, bumping into someone, etc.
- "Hold 'er, Newt!"
- [Colleen, saying] Mom's way of telling us to hang on for just a
minute before persuing some (ostensibly) unwise action. Mark later
discovered that this was a Pogo quote.
- "Home again home again, jiggedy jig."
- [Colleen, saying] Upon returning from an outing (especially a
vacation), Mom would chant this little phrase as we pulled the van into
the driveway; the outing just wasn't complete until Mom said this.
- [Jared / Emmy Sue, nickname] A pet name Jared had for Mark when we
were kids. "Hossheay" is a corruption of "Horsie" (which is in turn a
corruption of "Horse"). You see, Mark would give Jared 'horsie' rides,
meaning Jared was the rider "Ryder" and Mark was (none other than) the
horse. See also Ryder.
- Hyper Diapers
- [Attribution unknown - possibly Mark, noun phrase] A
not-so-flattering nickname given to Jared durring that awkward
- "I was there when Thor died"
- [Jared / Emmy Sue, saying] Jared would recount a make-believe
experience of witnessing the death of Thor (the Norse god of thunder and
lightning), claiming that his dying wish was that Mark (nee "Kirby") grow a beard.
- "I'll trade you seats"
- [Lloyd, warning] Grampa would say this to you if you were sitting in
his chair when he returned to the room. This was his polite way of telling
you to get the heck out of his chair.
- "Impeach the Peach!"
- [Breathed, quote] The punchline a Bloom County cartoon strip, spoken
by Portnoy. The Bloom County Meadow party was assembled to move for the
impeachment of Reagan, but then determined that he was too nice ("a
- [Mark, adj.] One of Mark's favorite adjectives when he was growing
- Insidious Vitamin C
- [Mark, noun phrase, dumb] Case in point. See Insidious.
- [Mark, swear word] This was a custom swear word made up by Mark and
used indiscriminantly in situations where a more conventional swear word
might otherwise be used. In moments of extreme exhuberance, Mark will even
spell it out ("Aye, pee, pee ay -- Ippa!"). Originally it referred to "the
swear finger", and Mark once made a picture called "Ippa" which I think
only Ed ever saw. Mark still uses it, and now so do Jana, Lisa and even
Jessica at times.
- [Mark, proper noun / exclamation, dumb] Yet another dumb thing Mark
would say in the same tone of voice that he would say "Saliva!"
- [Mark, nickname] Kristina's name sung to the tune of
"Ta-ren-ta-ra-ta-ren-ta-ra" from the Pirates of Penzance.
- [Kristina, nickname] An abreviation of "Krissy". Also "The Kipster"
- [Jared, nickname] One of Jared's nicknames for Mark. See also The Kirby Doll.
- Kirby Doll, The
- [Jared, action figure] Jared owned a TMNT action figure of a Samaurai
Rabbit which he called "The Kirby Doll". Mark made a sand-blasted glass
project of him with a quip "1990: The Year of the Kirby Doll". We even had
a song we'd sing to the tune of "It's Christmas in Kilarney".
"The Kirby Doll, the Kirby Doll,"
"The beautiful wonderful Kirby Doll."
"It's Christmas in Kilarney,"
"The wonderful Kirby Doll."
- Lay Claim
- [Colleen, phrasal verb] A term frequently used by Mom to refer to
ownership. Ex: "Who can lay claim to these sandals?"
- "The Light is Bright"
- [Mark, noun phrase] Said with squinting eyes and smiling, clenched
teeth while staring directly into the sun.
- Longshot Limited Edition
- [Marvel, limited edition comic series title] Mark picked up a copy of
this graphic novel, and while the story was pretty good, it paled in
comparison to the amount of fun we had singing the name over and over to
the same tune as "The Handy
Shadowrun Campaign Portfolio".
- "Me? I read 'Garfield'." -- Garfield Gets Old
- [Breathed, quote] Taken directly from a Bloom County cartoon wherein
Opus, having become disenchanted with his peers, turns to the wacky antics
of Garfield instead. 'Garfield Gets Old' was the title of the cartoon
collection Opus was reading. Jared and Mark will quote this on occasion
when we desire to express an exhuberant difference in preference.
- Mom Mockery
- [Ed, noun phrase] An term given to describe the act of imitating
Colleen's sayings, diction, gestures, or idiosynchracies. The sons would
frequently accuse Krissy of 'mom mockery' and claim that there was no
greater sin while hypocritically mocking mom in a fashion that was just as
bad or worse. See also Dad Mockery
- "Mon beat mon mon, Insidious C"
- [Mark, expression / chant, dumb] A way of describing Vitamin C. See Insidious.
A little entmology: the "Mon" is short for "Manuel". ("Mon" and not
"Man" because we're using the Spanish pronunciation here.)
- "Mon Vitamin, Insidious C"
- [Mark, expression / chant, dumb] Yet another way of describing
Vitamin C. See previous entry.
- Mister Fingerbuster
- [Mark, proper noun] Title given to a very large marble. The idea here
was that attempting to flick this marble with your thumb and index fingers
(as in a game of marbles) would "bust" your fingers. There was a little
song Mark would sing, too.
The "Mister Fingerbuster" song was updated with the phrase "daily baby
lotion" and sung to Milo (by Ed) when he was an infant and we would put
lotion on him on a (you guessed it) daily basis.
- Neelloc ("Knee-lock")
- [Collen, proper noun] Mom's name spelled backwards, and one of our
favorites. It conjured up images of a super-mom who possessed the amazing
powers of Tetanus. See also Anitsirk.
- "Over there, behind the weiners"
- [Jared, saying, dumb] Jared had a dream once where she was playing
hide-and-seek in a supermarket and asked Ferin (or was it Decker?) where
to find someone. This was the helpful tip she received.
- [Jared?, noun] A coloquial term for referring to Mom and Dad. Synonym
for "parents". Ex: "I dunno if I can sleep over, I'll have to check with
- Pocka Shirt
- [Ed, noun phrase] A term used to describe those t-shirts with the
little pocket over the left breast. "Pocka shirt" was usually said in a
sing-songy sort of way with an accompanying gesture of inserting all the
fingers of the right hand into said "pocka".
- Pooks, Pooker Cuequer
- [Colleen (co-opted by everyone else), proper noun] Mom was so careful
not to indulge in an excess of "cutesie" names for her kids, but when
Jared showed up, she just couldn't help herself. The proto-name was
"Pookie-Cuekie-Wookie" or some such, but it was later abreviated to
"Pooker Cuequer" and later just "Pooks". The latter was used frequently by
Dad as a mild (and terse) scold following some theoretically bad behavior.
- Pooer Water
- [Ed, noun phrase] When we would see a puddle or pool of dirty,
polluted, or foul-smelling water, Ed would refer to it as the "pooer
water". Example sentences include: "Don't step in the pooer water" or "It
fell in the pooer water."
- Roach, Amazing Game Of, The
- [Jared, proper noun / athletic game] A game we were fond of playing
in the back yard involved smacking an empty, plastic milk jug with bats,
sticks or billy clubs. The object was to hit the milk jug into other
players, making them go "out". The last man left standing was the winner.
(A testament to individual spirit, determination, dodging and hitting.)
None shall forget the day, when jared, some 10 or so years old marched
out the back door with a Rooseveltian big stick in one hand and a milk jug
in the other and proclaimed "Genlemen! I believe you know the rules!" The
game was adopted by our scouting troop and continues to be a favorite camp
- Ruptured Spleens
- [Tom, noun phrase, plural] Prior to us kids engaging in some
dangerous activity (like, oh say, jumping on the trampoline), Dad would
frequently rattle off a litany: "I don't want any broken legs, twisted
spines, ruptured spleens..." and so forth. For whatever reason, the
"ruptured spleens" bit was the most memorable. Occasionally, in displays
of defiance, we would announce our intentions of dangerous behavior by
exclaiming "I'm going to rupture my spleen!", which usually produced the
desired result from Dad. Whether dad ever actually said this or not is
subject to debate (it is more than likely just a case of "Dad Mockery") but it's the sort of thing he might have
- [Jared / Emmy Sue, nickname] One of Jared's nicknames for himself
when he was younger. See also Hossheay.
- [Mark, noun / exclamation, dumb] 'Round about seventh grade, Mark
would build up a big loogie in his mouth, pull it out with his thumb and
index finger and, while letting it drip toward the floor, utter "Saliva!"
in a strange, unearthly tone of voice.
- [Mark? / Jared?, proper noun] A nickname for Krissy. See also Underpants.
Entmology: This name came from the chant "Kree-os, the Shmee-os, the
big fat Shmee-os". (clever, eh?)
- Slow Driving
- [Dad, noun phrase] Dad had a little tradition he would observe upon
returning home from a long trip. He would drive the last block or so to
our house at about 0.0002 MPH. While we marveled at how driving the last
block of the trip could take as long as everything leading up to that last
block, slugs, tortises, and three-toed sloths would laugh at us as we
would watch them race by at (what seemed to us like) breakneck speed.
- "So [fill in the blank], huh?"
- [Tom (co-opted by the kids), observation] Our father was (is!) the
king of non-sequitors. You could be sitting watching TV and he would walk
into the room and -- completely unprovoked -- exclaim "So, Beef
Stroganoff, huh?" and leave us all scratching our heads. Another famous
example was "So, The Catcher in the Rye, huh?" Sometimes I marvel at the
brilliance of our father; we see only the tip of the iceberg.
- "So we threw that first mother!"
- [Breathed, quote] The punchline a Bloom County cartoon strip, spoken
by Portnoy. If Jared and Mark are in the room together and one of them
says this line, the other will supply the additional from the last panel
"Gazongas!" which is the title of the girly-mag Portnoy is reading. (I
guess we're kinda fond of Portnoy.)
- "Sorry... Yes!" ("Sorryes")
- [Ed, apology] When we were kids, we got it into our heads that it
wasn't enough for someone to just appologize by saying "sorry", they had
to follow it up with an affirmative "yes". This was something of a
Kid#1: [walks by, bumps Kid#2] "Whoops, sorry..."
Kid#2: [threatens Kid#1 with physical violence]
Kid#1: [shrinking away in fear] "...Yes!"
It became a little game we would play to see who could hold out the
longest between the "sorry" and the "yes"; sort of like a flinching
- Suicide (Mission)
- [Ed/Mark, noun phrase] We would often refer to excursions upstairs
to, say, steal a cookie as "suicide missions" if there was a (high) chance
of being caught by the parentals.
- [Jared, proper noun] Name of the German / Jewish / superhero
character played by Ryan Workman in the films by the same name.
- [Mark / but possibly Jana, proper noun] Referrs to all of the friends
Jared's age who frequently participated in the filming of Thilo movies.
They persued other activities together, not the least of which was role
playing games and Nintendo playing. See the Thilosians category at the top of this
page for a full cast of characters.
Entmology: In addition to the obvious connection with Thilo, this term was a bit of a play on "Thalosians",
which was the name of a very esoteric alien race in the Star Trek
- "Three rasins and one nut... And I'm the nut!"
- [Kristina, pearl of wisdom] One Christmastime, we had a nearly empty
container of nuts and rasins that had only (can you see it coming?) three
rasins and one nut left. Krissy picked them out and observed that there
were four items and one... two... three... FOUR kids in the family! She
then held them up for all the world to see and announced "Three rasins and
one nut... And I'm the nut!" Couldn't agree with you more, Krissy.
- "Tak for matten"
- [Dad, Norweigan expression] Literally translated "Thanks for the
meal". We used to hear that expression more than most kids do.
- "Tusen Tak"
- [Dad, Norweigan expression] Literally translated "A thousand thanks".
- [Jared, nickname] A nickname for Krissy. She took umbrage at
this one. A typical dinner conversation went something like this:
Jared: [to Krissy] "Pass me the butter, Underpants."
Krissy: [taking umbrage, then turning to Dad] "Daddy, make
them stop calling me Underpants."
Dad: [somewhat distracted] "Jared, don't call your sister
Krissy: [turning back to Jared, vindicated] "See!?"
Jared: "Shut up and pass me the butter, Underpants."
Krissy: [taking further umbrage, turning to Dad again]
Jared informs me that this reference comes from one of the National
Lampoon's Vacation movies (I'm not sure which one) in which Chevy
Chase calls the bartender "Underpants". See also, Shmoss.
- Unifingular Dissasertment
- [Mark, noun phrase, dumb] Mark would say this before smacking his
younger siblings (or any other little kids I could find) on the top of the
head with the (innner) side of his index finger. Ostensibly, this smack
was the come-uppance for something the kid had done wrong to deserve it.
(That was the theory, anyway.)
Entmology: "Dissasertment" is a an amalgamation / corruption of the
phrase "Assertive Discipline", a program that was tried at Mark's
elementary school (with dubious success). "Unifingular" is likewise an
amalgamation / corruption of "one finger". (Hint: think "unicycle".)
- Unknown, The
- [Jeff Johns, noun] We had this yellow, rubber monkey, okay?
(Actually, I think it was a mandrill or a lemur or something, who cares.)
Well, when Jeff discovered this fabulous toy, he just couldn't help
himself but hold it by the head and the tail, slowly rotate it through the
air, and advance on some innocent bystander, all the while saying "The
Unknown..." over and over in a voice just above a whisper. Used to bug the
crap out of us.
- [Mark, Word Of Power] One of the little games Mark would play at
dinnertime was trying to make his younger brother Ed laugh while he was in
the middle of taking a drink. To that end, as soon as Mark saw Ed in
mid-gulp he would begin saying words and phrases that Ed found curiously
funny, including "Cookie Monster!", "Abraham Lincolin!", and "Upholstery!"
Usually by the time Mark reached 'Upholstery', Ed was spraying milk
everywhere. When Krissy entered the family, Jared and Mark would do the
same to her with similar, spectacular results.
[Dad / Mark, vitamin] Dad always felt that any health problem, no
matter how small or large (dry mouth, tiredness, sore throat, dropsy,
pneumonia, severed limb, etc.), could be solved by large intakes of
vitamin C. To that end, he would keep vast quantities of it around the
house in all forms: swallowable pill, chewable tablets, liquid form, etc.
Mark would frequently combine his other dumb sayings with "Vitamin C"
(possibly owing to the large abundance of it around the house?).
- "When the Lord made the bean, he knew what he was doin'."
- [Lloyd, Pearl of Wisdom] Grampa testifies of one of the Lord's better
- "Whoop Bonk!"
- [Colleen (co-opted by Jeff Johns), exclamation] Mom would say this if
she or someone in her line of sight bonked themselves / got bonked. Jeff
Johns really took a liking to this phrase and would race around
corners, hoping to surprise someone, then hit them in the forehead and
yell "Whoop Bonk!" Colleen was so distraught with this crude parody of her
expression that she hasn't used it since. Thanks a lot, Jeff.
- Woollenwobber, Bob
- [Tom (co-opted by the kids), propper noun] One night at dinner,
apropos of nothing, Dad simply began a sentence with "So anyway, old Bob
Woollenwobber..." No one remembers anything after this because we were all
collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter. It was much later that we
learned that Bob Woollenwobber was, in fact, a real person.
Addendum: This would become one in a longer list of names that could
be used as verbs. Examples: "Ken Felt badly about running over the dog";
"John Ott to be more careful about what he says in mixed company"; "Bob
Woollenwobber all the way to the bathroom before he could find a towel".
- "You always laugh at things that aren't funny and you never laugh at
things that are!"
- [Kristina, exasperation] The "humor" wavelength that the boys in the
Whitley house tuned into seemed to always be just out of reach of Krissy.
We three would be cracking up while Kristina was protesting loudly that
whatever we were laughing at just wasn't, well, funny.
- "You're all bouncin' around..."
- [Joey Remmington, handy advice] Thus began Joey Remmington's immortal
advice on "how to fight". The complete advice wen't like this:
"You're all bouncin' around, somebody tries to hit you -- You duck."
Thanks a million, Joey. We're all sleeping a lot better at night.
- Yucca ("Ooo, Yucca!")
- [Colleen (co-opted by the kids, esp. the sons), proper noun /
exclamation] Mom would say this to express her revulsion to some ickiness,
i.e. a dollop of who-knows-what on the kitchen floor, the trailer for a
slasher flick, etc.
One day we were driving through California on a trip and Mom said
"Look at the Yucca in bloom!" to which we all replied -- in Pavlovian
fashion -- "Ooo Yucca!"